Well, here we are, hurtling towards the end of 2017 like a rocket, and with it, comes the anticipation of a shiny, fresh new year. I am sure some of you are looking forward to seeing the back of this one, I know I am! So in my final post, I just want to fill you in on current and future affairs of myself and Chronic Beauty.
So as we roll into winter, many of us try to make our nests as cosy as poss, ready for days of curling up, be it with loved ones, or flying solo. Plans to read, catch up on Netflix, go on long walks with fur babies or do stuff with the kids, enjoy bubble baths and pamper sessions, write journals, cook comfort food and have gatherings with family and friends. The winter period is really all about nurturing, recharging, planning for change and to basically do what we gotta do, aside from hibernating. Unless you are lucky enough to jet off somewhere warm for 6 months of the year…Oh to be rich and have an easier, more exciting life right?!
So this is my final blog post of 2017, as I really need to take a break and concentrate on my health. Okay… I find this a little hard to type, but I am currently going through a bit of a breakdown. I won’t bore you with the details, but lets just say that last week a few things happened, and during the weekend I just snapped. Everything held inside came flying out in a rage, before I broke down in a state crying and shaking. It had been building for a while with lots of tears and rows about money and problems popping up all the time, so I think I knew I was heading for a fall. I have been carrying it all around for some time, whilst trying to take care of my family, home, my poorly dog, running the blog, going through constant stress and struggling with my health. My poor tired broken body and hormonal brain had had enough, so it was a bit like the eruption of a volcano that, has been spitting out small amounts of lava, every and now and again for about a year!
It has been a long while since I wrote a personal post, but I wanted to share what has gone on behind the blog. With all the stress building this year, my posts have not been as constant as in the past, which has been frustrating. After moving so many times, injuries & operations for myself and hubby, problems with properties, a car that constantly breaks down as we cannot replace it, the same for a lot of things in our home, money worries….and the biggest thing? A bloody stressful injury claim that that has been ongoing with solicitors for almost 5 years!! Although I am a fighter, I’m extremely low now and have just gone through too much over the last few years, basically an overload of stressful situations. Recent problems put the icing on cake, and all these years of the stress, pain and recently hormone problems, got too much and I just.. .need.. .calm! I want to get back to being me.
We have also been without hot water for almost 2 weeks now, which is driving me crazy! However, I need to keep stress free, and real life needs to be my priority, which means no blog posts as it is extra to worry about right now.
My close family now know I am low, I’m lacking in self confidence and pretty much beating myself up. I am lucky to have some support, and many haven’t a clue what is going on as I put on a good front. I simply need time to get well/stronger, so I am sure you will understand that the blog has to go on hold for a while. I love what I do and will be back sometime early next year, with new things and hopefully a few changes I have wanted to do for a while. I don’t know when exactly, but I will still be posting on Instagram when I can, along with some stories. Do come say hi!
I want to get to Christmas and have some family time, and also need to get to grips with stuff I have let slide over the last few months. Last year I had my parents round for Christmas, so this year we are going to them, which is a good job really, my brain not functioning as well as it did over a year ago! I long to sit by a real fire and relax in my parents house, somewhere I always feel safe no matter how old I am. I will help my mum with the dinner, while the guys have a drink and we have a moan at them to help! Then after eating, we feed the dogs out in the kennels, as they all love a bit of Christmas dinner, and presents come after a quick clear up of the table. Yup, it is a long wait, but a bit of a family tradition with us and it makes gift swapping more appreciated!
I still need to get a tree and decorate our home, let alone buy food and wrap those gifts! I especially need to find some special treats for this little fella, who has gone through all the cr*p with us, and had a tough year with his health too! If I’m upset, he gets anxious, and that makes me feel guilty, so we really need some calm space.
Life’s a funny old game, and I don’t know about you, but that time between Christmas and New Year, can feel a bit like being stuck in limbo. I get a little nostalgic, memories flood my head, people I miss, plus what is going on in my life, where I am going and what I really wish for. I have quite a bit of thought mass this year, that’s for sure!
Image : Pexels
Image : Pexels
New year, blank page
Sorry this is not a post full of happiness, but it is real and real life can suck right?! However, I DO want to thank ALL of you who visit, read, leave comments, follow and chat on social media. It makes me happy and I appreciate you all, as it also helps drive me on through all the rubbish, so I hope you will join me on my return. As we head into that long, murky month of January, 2018 will bring a blank page for all of us to write on. I hope, for me AND you, it brings a shiny new year full of hope and good things. Just 2 years away from 2020, which sounds like something from an old sci-fi film. So here’s to new beginnings, more opportunities, happiness and life. Bring it on!
Wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy New Year!!!
Love Heidi x